Today is the day…

Today is the day that I had decided to start a writing challenge.   Today is also the day that the Dr. that has held my hand through this whole BRCA2 journey suddenly left the OB/GYN practice along with the other Dr. in that practice.   Without fanfare I get an email from the practice telling me that both doctors have been replaced.   A two-doctor practice, and both doctors leave suddenly???   What is going on?

I wasn’t sure how I felt until I saw the writing prompt in the following email.   I was going to write privately during this challenge, to build myself during this time of social distancing.   But I have decided that I will share each day’s writing.

It has been a couple of hours and I was not surprised by the email I got back from the practice to say that they are there for me.  The email from a nurse who said call your GP (who was on vacation and referred me back to their office) when I was having an allergic reaction to a medication my doctor had given me.  I call BS.  In the middle of a pandemic two doctors do not leave a practice without a reason.

Either they were let go by the hospital or they started their own practice.   Which either way I will not be staying with the current practice.   I was there because of my doctor, not the staff.  Their nurses were condescending while their office staff rude and uninterested in me as a patient.   I have felt more an inconvenience than a patient when I have called regarding issues I have had.   My doctor never made me feel that way.

Recovery Still Continues Today

Today is the day that because of this I have been given a blow to my recovery.   My doctor has always been there holding my hand as I made huge body altering decisions so that I won’t have cancer.   This doctor listened as I cried, hugged me as a friend and truly took excellent care of my body, mind and soul.   I just want to cry, this is a loss that I cannot bear in the midst of all that is going on in the world.   There are more important things going on than this, yet this is happening to me.

I am not by any means done with this journey.   Yes, I have issues that resulted from the lack of estrogen in my body.   I want to work with the doctor that I have been working with, I don’t want to train yet another doctor about my body.  We had a plan, we were working together to resolve my problems.   That takes time and patience.  I have a plastic surgeon, a general surgeon, a GP, endocrinologist, dermatologist, Gastroenterologist, eye and hearing doctors all on my team.

So as I write this I see my three words on my desk for 2020, Movement, Voice and Release.   Okay, I did pick my words and they definitely apply to what is happening today.  Perhaps this movement was to get me to use my voice and release the negativity.   To wait patiently for things to unfold.    I am calmer just writing that.   I will put a date on my calendar in a few weeks and see where my doctor went.   Until then, I will continue with the plan we had in my care.