Tips For Identifying Your Needs
Identifying your needs isn’t always easy. The majority of people didn’t sit down and learn what they need to feel secure, loved, and safe. We only start to put this information together once you experience security, love, and safety.
When we’re on the receiving end of these we recognize that we are worthy of it and it teaches us what to look for. We start to gravitate towards the people who will provide it. And, in the best-case scenario, we avoid those who don’t. If you didn’t have these basic needs fulfilled in your early life, you may not be primed to find them.
You may recognize that something is missing, but you don’t know what it is exactly. It leaves you in a passive position, one where you allow people and life to guide your path rather than taking control of yourself. Your relationship with yourself should always come first and to do so, you have to identify your needs. Once you identify your needs, you can empower yourself to ask the people around you to help meet those needs where necessary.
Your basic needs are air, water, shelter, food, etc.
While we all have different emotional needs, there are certain core needs everyone needs to meet
- Freedom of expression
- Realistic limits
To identify your own emotional needs, create a list under each of the headings above. What would make you feel secure? What makes you feel in control? What do you need to express your freedom? What level of spontaneity do you need and how do you need to express that? What are your realistic limits?
If you’re having a hard time identifying your needs or connecting with them, then you need to constantly check in with yourself throughout the day. One excellent way to get in touch with your needs and thoughts is regular meditation.
It can also be difficult for people with unmet emotional needs in their childhood to identify those needs as adults. As you begin connecting with your needs more, you will recognize why they have been on the back burner for so much of your life.
The people who instinctively recognize their needs generally do so because they experienced them young.
The best way to breed resentment in a relationship is by downplaying your needs. You won’t flourish until you recognize your needs and expect them to be met. If your partner isn’t doing so, then you need to make them aware of it and your needs. Nobody is a mind reader so, you can’t expect your partner to give you what you need if you don’t ask.
Everyone wants different things, and all relationships require a bit of compromise. So, think about what you want from your relationship, what you’re willing to compromise on, and how you can move forward (or not).
Communicating Your Needs
The key to building a happy life and relationships with the people around you? Clear communication. Prepare to be open and honest with others, and yourself, about your needs. If this isn’t something you’re used to, it can be difficult to get your head around it.
So, you should start with smaller points before you work up to the bigger ones. How you choose to communicate is important. You shouldn’t try to assign blame or make accusations.
You’re trying to communicate your needs so they will be met, not start an argument. You may feel guilty about expressing your needs, but this will ease with time. Remember, this will likely be a time-consuming process, from identifying your needs to communicating them and setting boundaries. Don’t lose heart, it’s a marathon.