Letting go is not always easy…
2 mins read

Letting go is not always easy…

Letting go of control is not easy.  One of my three words for 2020 was release; another movement and my third is voice.   As I write this I see how they are coming into existence much like words in previous years have.

Since my BRCA2 diagnosis I have been floundering — spiritually.   The Reformed Spiritualist Church was a labor of love for so many, including myself.   I am not quite sure where I lost my passion for it.   This health journey I have been on with all these preventative surgeries has its part to play.   I am sure that the church being based in Niagara Falls and myself in Rochester is another part.  In many ways it is just because I am changing and growing in a different direction — Spiritually.   Nothing seems to fit and the harder I hold on to things the more confused and stressed I am.   I am letting myself and others down.   For that I accept my part in this.

Yesterday, with heavy heart, I stepped down as President.    I can’t hold back the direction of the church while I am sidelined recovering from a third surgery.   The recovery is taking more out of me than I have wanted to admit.   I can’t do it all.  Spirit has made that quite evident and I must respect that and do what I can and let others lead the way in areas that I cannot.   My floundering wasn’t helping and I needed to do something to assist everything to move forward.

What is next?

I am pretty sure that my ways to serve will appear, but for now I must take care of myself.   It will be May before I will be back to full strength.   Until then I am going to be gentle with myself.  I am going to spend time just being a patient.   I am going to be grateful that I was able to get ahead of this and take control of my health.   In the end, I have reduced my risk for Breast Cancer to less than 5% and I have changed my health habits so that I can live a long and healthy life.   Back in February 2019 I was told that I had an 85% chance of Breast Cancer — I was terrified.

I am no longer afraid and finding it easier to let go.  There is a lesson there, when you release something from your life there is a space that opens up and opportunities present themselves to you.   Letting go is your key to freedom to find joy.