I have been on a wave of happiness for awhile now. It started by changing my focus on being present in the moment. It resulted in my not writing as much as I have wanted to here. In my personal journals and correspondence with someone I love, I have been writing more than ever. I think I have needed that break from having to write to the desire of writing.
2018 has started quietly and yet with more joy than I can even imagine having in my life. Each year I pick three words to work on instead of a resolution for the year. They have served me well and you can read about them throughout the blog. My words for 2018 when I picked them I thought — oh which word is going to be my cross to bear? Connection, Joy & Gratitude are my words for 2018. In past years Fearless, Patience and Forgiveness each had important lessons for me. I struggled with them throughout the year; and when I say struggled I mean it. In the end of each of those years I grew in ways that I had not expected and each year I take this task seriously.
Connection – Love and Friendship
Imagine my surprise sitting New Year’s day with George playing a silly childhood game Skipbo that all three words were there and I have found a peace I have so desperately searched for. Connection as we play a game sharing our lives, joy as we laugh and were really in that moment connected together. The gratitude we both felt for finding it together. We disconnected from the world, partly because I was sick and forced to slow down. As we disconnected from distractions of social media, we connected on a level that we both desired.
It was what was going on at the exact moment we were in. We watched movies, I cooked various meals, I crocheted, we dreamed, we played. George organized his closets and we talked. The most important take away from this intense time together — we laughed, we held hands and we did not want to be apart. It is a powerful connection and so beautiful. We went out only to go to church and to take care of a couple of errands. My laptop usually a constant companion didn’t get opened for several days. The only reason it was opened was because we wanted to research something together on the Internet. My cell phone stayed on the charger in his office most of the time. In fact when we went out, I didn’t take it with me.
Connection – Pushing through Fear
I always pick words that I struggle with each year. Today, I see now the reason I had chosen the word connection. Deep down inside me I picked the word connection because I wanted the connection between George and I to change, yet I was absolutely terrified at the prospects of it. There was my n over 2 rule that George was willing to respect (that is a story he can tell–he is a writer too). Everyone around us saw it, I fought it. Anyone would ask about us, I would deny it.
I really struggled with letting go of some dreams, rearranging some things in my life to allow that connection. Fear is really powerful; fear of making a mistake, fear of being foolish or not being as good as I desire. At the suggestion of my mentor, Jack Rudy when I asked him what he saw for me in the coming year he said that I should pay attention to George. So I did and much to my surprise when I allowed myself to see it — we have grown closer together over the past year. Were we really the last two people to see what we had become to each other?
Reflecting on 2017 we reconnected after several years of just Facebook hellos. Perhaps the years (30 years — wow) of friendship have paved the way for where we are now. We have seen each other through good and bad. We know what it is like to love and for it to fall completely apart. Over the past year we have been the calm voice of reassurance to one another. He has shared moments with me like seeing my book for the first time, his first time speaking at a Spiritualist church, he has watched me do what I do as a Medium and I have been there for him as he dismantled his treasured model train layout. It was in that heartbreak we forged a new connection or perhaps more correctly — recognized it for what it had developed into.
Connection – What is next?
I somehow feel that I cheated with my words. To explain, I got them within the first 24 hours, not like I had in the past usually days before the end of the year. Then again, perhaps that is the lesson for me. I don’t have to wait 365 days to get the lesson. If I don’t fight it, if I take the time to really accept what I need to learn — happiness comes upon me without effort. Patience is so very important, yes good things come to those that wait. Connection with George was easy, there are others that the connection I need to transform, repair or let go of. There is the connection with Spirit that just when I think it can’t get any stronger — grows in a way that is unexpected and more part of me than I thought ever possible.
As I write this, I am so full of joy and I am so grateful to have it. This year I think my connections are going to grow even more. 2018 is a year of transformation that will be beyond what I can put into words right now. A couple of days in and such a powerful start, I think I am going to continue with more genuine connections with others. My connection with Spirit, friends and family. Ways to build connection and share love with others. I hope you to find yourself connected with joy and gratitude in 2018!
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