Self-care has become another thing we are supposed to be good at. We are told to make time for ourselves, set boundaries, get enough sleep, drink more water, exercise, meditate, unplug, say no, take a bath, and go for a walk. All of those things can be useful, but sometimes the language of self-care makes me tired just thinking about it. When you are already carrying too much, adding another list of things you should be doing for yourself does not necessarily feel like care. It can feel like another responsibility.
I think self-care can be much simpler than that. It can begin with noticing what is actually happening inside you. What am I feeling right now? In this moment, what do I actually need? What have I been tolerating because I convinced myself it wasn’t important? Those questions require honesty more than discipline, and the answers will not always look like the self-care we see advertised.
Sometimes I need rest. Other times, I need to get something done so it stops hanging over my head. Sometimes I need another person to help. Often I need to be alone. Sometimes I need to say, “I don’t have the capacity for this today.” None of those choices is automatically more spiritual, healthy, or evolved than another. Self-care is not about creating a perfect version of your life. It is about developing a relationship with yourself that includes listening.
That matters because we can become remarkably skilled at noticing everyone else’s needs while ignoring our own. We know when someone else is exhausted. You know when they need encouragement, food, quiet, help, reassurance, or a break. We notice the change in their voice. We notice when something is wrong. Then someone asks us how we are doing, and we say, “I’m fine,” because sometimes that is easier than stopping long enough to consider the truth.
Self-Care Is Not Another Job
Maybe this Sunday, instead of asking yourself what you should do for self-care, ask a different question: “What would it mean to take myself seriously today?” The answer may be small. It may also be inconvenient. It may mean resting, asking for help, changing a plan, doing something you’ve been putting off, or simply admitting that something isn’t working anymore.
Whatever the answer is, listen to it. You are a person in your own life, not simply the person responsible for making everyone else’s life work.
