Finding love – it is what everyone wants yet it eludes so many.  Today I came across this article – If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.  I understand this only  too well.  Learning to move on when I hear that “You are a great person but... ”  I don’t wait to hear the rest,  I don’t need to hear the details.  It is done; I am done.  No need to force it; it won’t be as we desire.

Teaching Girls to be strong

It takes great strength to accept the reality.  As little girls we are given the image of perfect romantic love.  The fairy tales we are told don’t every show the princess having to deal with multiple heartaches before they found the love of their lives.  It is a shame that there is not a fairy tale where it ends “and she lives happily ever after on her own terms”.
We grow up to believe that it is all hearts and flowers.  Then we meet someone and it is just that.  Our one true love.  We are lead to believe that only one person can ever make us happier than our dreams.

Until it is not and they crush us to the very core.    Family and friends don’t make it easier, that peer pressure to have a significant other doesn’t help.   As if not being in a relationship is a sign of weakness as opposed to a sign of strength.

Then the vicious cycle begins in your life.  Sometimes you find that you are the happiest you have ever been and the other person looks at you and says it isn’t working for them.  You are left shattered once again.   We look for the replacement to that person in our lives, but we are full of fear.

Vicious Cycles

That results in us putting a large amount of pressure on that next person to be everything we dream of.   We may find someone and they do something that sets us off in fear that makes us run.   Or we do something that makes them run.  We add yet another failed relationship to the long list we have.
More heartache and additional fears added to the list.  Suddenly you are absolutely terrified and have no idea how you got to be where you are at.  Wondering out loud why you are so unhappy because you want something so badly and see no way to make it happen.

Sound about right?

You look around and see people that are in happy relationships and wonder why you can’t find someone.  Or you listen to your friends complain about their significant others and think to yourself “why are you complaining – don’t you know how lucky you are?”  You are tired that being alone is a reason you don’t get invited to situations.  You hate being the third wheel.

How to Open Yourself to Love

I am going to suggest something radical to change that may just change everything for you.  It is the fear accumulated over time that makes finding that right person for you more difficult.   This is going to be hard to believe that it is better if we let go of those fears stop doing things the same things over and over again.

Trust me, I know it is not easy.  The act of being grateful for the beauty that lies in our lives is the most courageous thing one can do.  Enjoy the friends and family we are blessed to have is not easy.  Fill our lives the way that makes us happy. Only then can we find the person who has let go of their fears and just build that life you have in your dreams.

My best advice for a happy life — Never let someone have so much power to make you so afraid to love.  Revel in those things that make you happy.   Let go of fear and have faith that you will always have what you need.


Rev. Colleen Irwin
Reverend Colleen Irwin is a Spiritual being having a human experience as a Blogger, Wife, Mother, Mentor, Healer and Public Speaker living in Rochester New York. Colleen, a Natural Born Medium, teaches, lectures and serves Spirit when called upon. She remembers speaking with Spirit as a child and learning how to share this knowledge with others has been an adventure that she captured in her book “Discovering Your Stream”. Colleen has been mentored by Reverend Jack Rudy, and ordained as a Priest in the Order of Melchizedek by the Reverend Dan Chesboro through the Sanctuary of the Beloved. When she is not doing her Spiritual work she is a volunteer docent sharing Susan B. Anthony's history to visitors of the Susan B. Anthony House in Rochester. Her trust in Spirit gave her a new title – PREVIVOR. She now uses her platform to educate others about the BRCA genetic mutation and how one can take control of their health and well-being.
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