Slamming Doors

If you feel the need to start slamming doors around me; please don’t.  There are people that do it on a regular basis, and if you are the kind of person to slam a door when you are angry — you may want to take pause.  In fact don’t slam a door in front of another human being.   For me a door slammed in anger is outright the most painful expression of anger.  It is a hostile and passive aggressive way of expressing anger.   It is like saying “I am mad at you but I am not going to tell you why and and I going to take out this rage on the door“.

A slammed door sets out that one person is mad and another is at a loss for why that person is mad.  It creates a boundary, albeit negative, between two people.   It is an immediate end to a conversation.   Meanwhile it accumulates over time, the anger that is, and all sense of communication goes awry.   What can be at first that you said something without knowing you hurt their feelings turns out to an ugly confrontation that was completely unnecessary.   All because you did not use your words in the first place.   Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it.  Yet it happens every day to countless people.

Slamming doors doesn’t make the person who just had one slammed at them feel all that great, the door certainly didn’t enjoy it and I am pretty sure the person slamming it doesn’t feel any better.   I can say this from experience.   I have slammed enough doors to understand that it never made me feel better.   I just was angrier and a lot more frustrated.    What I wanted was for the other person to hear and acknowledge my feelings.

Alternative to Slamming Doors

This is where you are going to have to pay attention.  The next time you are angered, why don’t you try expressing yourself with words in a calm manner.   Reacting by slamming the door is really not helping the situation.

Perhaps the person that has you so mad is completely unaware of what they had just done or said, offended and hurt you.  Think about it.  How many times are we struggling in this world because of words unsaid at the time they are needed.   Perhaps the lesson here is to not lash out at someone but share your feelings.   What is the worst that could happen?   More important what is the best thing that could happen?

But I was on the other side of the Slamming Door

You want an easy answer — it isn’t always so.   The person slamming doors in your presence is angry and instead of using their words, they are passively aggressive in letting you know that they are angry.    If they do not want to talk about what is bothering them, there is little you can do.    Who they are also dictates how you can handle the situation.   A teenage daughter who constantly slams the door on you — as a parent you can take the door off the hinges.   Your romantic partner — it may be a sign that you need to apologize for what ever has upset the other.

Here is the hard part, you have to listen and accept their feelings.   You don’t get to say that did not happen.   What I can tell you a door slammed is about connection.   That there is such a disconnect that something has to change.    Change is uncomfortable.   We are either willing participants or it is handed to us.   Isn’t it better when we are a willing participant?