Rev. Colleen Irwin

The Energy of Influence: Toxic vs. Transformational Mentors

Today I want to talk about the energy of influence in our lives.  We don’t always realize how deeply we carry the energy of those who’ve led us—especially our mentors. Whether they guided us in a classroom, a workplace, or a sacred circle, their presence lingers. Their words, their tone, even their silence—it all leaves an imprint. Sometimes, that energy lifts us, giving us confidence to step more fully into who we are. And sometimes, it leaves a bruise we carry quietly for years, showing up in our hesitation, our inner critic, or our resistance to being seen. The influence of a mentor doesn’t end when the relationship does. It becomes part of how we see ourselves—and how we lead others.

I’ve seen both. I’ve lived both.

But today, I want to talk about what happens when you have a transformational mentor. For me, that person was Jack Rudy.

Jack didn’t need to raise his voice or micromanage to make an impact. He created space—not just physically, but spiritually. When I doubted myself, he reminded me of my purpose. When I was overwhelmed, he helped me focus. He listened first, guided with kindness, and always reminded me that spirit work is sacred—and so is the person doing it.  He saw my potential before I fully saw it in myself.

That’s the kind of mentor who changes you. They don’t just pass along knowledge—they shift your energy. They leave you better than they found you.

In contrast, toxic mentors often move from control and fear. They dismiss ideas, spotlight your mistakes, and seem to thrive in chaos. You leave their presence second-guessing yourself. Your light dims. And even long after the relationship ends, you may find yourself still carrying that weight.

But the good news? Recognizing that contrast is what helps us choose differently next time—both in who we trust and who we become.

If you’ve had someone like Jack in your life, you know. Their presence lingers in the best way. You hear their voice in your head when you’re about to take a risk or need reassurance. They stay with you, long after the lesson is over.

Reflection Questions:

• Who has influenced you in ways that still echo today—for better or worse?
• How do you carry the energy of your past mentors into your work or spiritual practice?
• Are you currently acting as a mentor to someone else? What kind of energy are you offering them?
• What did a transformational mentor teach you that you still hold sacred?
• Is there a part of yourself that needs healing from a toxic mentorship?

Mentorship leaves a mark—sometimes a wound, sometimes a blessing. The key is paying attention to what we carry forward. Whether you’re seeking guidance or offering it, may you choose to walk with those who lift your light, not dim it. And may we each remember the power we hold to be that kind of presence for someone else.