Rev. Colleen Irwin

 Real Love Feels Different: Reflections from the Other Side

Real love feels different, I know first hand.  There was a time when I read articles like “If he wanted to be with you, he would be.” And it hit me like a truth bomb. I’d been that woman—explaining away poor behavior, waiting on someone else’s timeline, hoping effort would be enough. I’d hear, “You’re a great person, but…” and that “but” was all I needed to know. I stopped waiting to be chosen.   So,I chose myself.

I used to think being alone meant something was wrong with me. Now I know better. Being alone meant I was growing. It meant I was healing. It meant I was no longer willing to settle.

We Were Taught a Lie

As little girls, we’re handed fairy tales wrapped in glitter. They tell us love is a perfect prince who saves us, and that happily ever after means being picked. But those stories never mention the heartbreak, the ghosting, the rebuilding of your self-worth piece by piece.

There should be a fairy tale that ends with, “And she lived happily ever after on her own damn terms.”

The Reality of Love Before the Real Thing

Before the real thing came along, I had my heart broken more times than I care to count. I loved people who didn’t love me back, or who loved me in ways that hurt. I tried to be “easier,” “cooler,” or “less intense,” just to make it work. I’ve cried in parking lots and danced alone in kitchens trying to remind myself I was still lovable.

And I was.

But I had to unlearn so much first.

Love Doesn’t Fix You. It Meets You.

Here’s what’s different now: real love doesn’t feel like performing. It feels like home. There’s peace instead of panic. Safety instead of confusion. Real love doesn’t require shrinking. It asks you to show up fully, flaws and all.

I didn’t have to chase it. I just had to stop chasing the wrong things.

What Changed?

Me.

I started living for my own joy. That meant I filled my life with meaning and laughter. I embraced solitude instead of fearing it. I stopped needing someone to complete me and became someone I liked living with.

And then—when I wasn’t looking—love found me. A love that feels grown-up. Grounded. True.

For the Woman Still Waiting

If you’re reading this and your heart is heavy, please hear me: your worth has never depended on someone else’s ability to see it. You are lovable, right now, as you are.

Stop giving people the power to make you afraid to love again. Take the time to learn what you want—not just in a partner, but in a life.

Real love won’t run from your depth. It won’t flinch at your past. It will sit beside you and say, “I’m not going anywhere.”

And you? You’ll believe it.