My life for the past couple of years has been one chaotic mess, and finding direction has been struggle. I have been paralyzed for the better part of a year because I have been stuck. Not quiet sure what to do first and a little upset at myself for letting it get out of control. The last few weeks I have come to understand it all had to happen this way and I have accepted that I have done a pretty good job under these circumstances. I have forgiven myself and let go of the notion that I am not doing enough. Not all of this has been bad, I moved to a new city, got married and retired from Real Estate.
One of my words for 2020 is MOVEMENT. This can be applied in so many aspects of my life:
- Physically after almost a year of surgeries and recoveries
- Housework that has been put on hold
- Emotionally after all the upheaval in my life, both good and bad
- Writing — I have been struggling with so much to write that I don’t
- Spiritually as I maneuver the ego of not only myself but that of others
Finding Direction for Myself
The moment I started to focus on this word some magic started to happen. I am working towards some sort of physical movement in my daily activities, I am back wearing my Fitbit keeping me moving. Regaining my office which was the dumping ground for everything that I could not deal with during my recovery. We kept the rest of the house in pretty good order, my office not even close. Today it is neat and orderly with just a few things that need to be taken care of.
This brings me to my second word RELEASE. I have been tossing things out, preparing others for our community garage sale in May and sending things that no longer serve me to those that can use. Releasing the need to control everything and everyone around me. I am releasing old bad habits that have gotten me into trouble more often than I want to admit.
So in all this chaos I am finding peace and ease and my third word — VOICE where I now can write again where I struggled for so long. I am learning to speak my truth and still be kind. Boundaries have been built with people that push me in a direction I do not want to go. These steps are all good, I am moving forward and soon this chaos will be calm order and peace. It really is all about that first step when you are stuck. It is amazing how much clearer things become.