Rev. Colleen Irwin

What If My Spiritual Path Looks Different Than It Used To?

My spiritual path has not been linear.  For years, I stayed in the shadows, afraid of what would happen if I stepped into the light. The death of my mentor, Jack Rudy, forced me to face what I had long avoided. He always believed in me, pushing me to step fully into my gifts—and now, without him, I have no choice but to answer that call.

Jack always said I was going to have my own church. For years, I wasn’t sure what that meant—or if it was even possible. Now, after his passing, I’m beginning to see it differently. Maybe my mission isn’t about a building or a formal title. Maybe it’s about holding space and helping other women in their second phase of life find their own spiritual path. That thought both comforts and challenges me.

Lately, I’ve been wrestling with how my spiritual path is shifting in ways that feel uncomfortable. It’s not bad—just unfamiliar, even scary. The person I was six months ago feels distant, and the woman I’m becoming? She’s still a mystery. I find myself questioning everything I thought I knew about my gifts, my purpose, and even my worth.

If you’re in your second season of life, you might be feeling this too. That quiet fear that what you believed in, relied on, or built your identity around is changing—or breaking down.

I want to say this loud and clear: it’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to admit you don’t have the answers right now. In fact, that uncertainty is part of the process. It’s the space where real growth begins.

This discomfort isn’t a sign you’re failing—it’s a sign you’re alive, evolving, and stepping toward something deeply real. You may not see the path ahead clearly yet, but trust that it’s unfolding exactly as it should.

Here’s what I’m holding onto when the fear feels too big:

• Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.
• It’s okay to stumble and to ask for help.
• Your worth isn’t tied to how perfectly you walk this path.
• Spirit doesn’t expect perfection; Spirit wants honesty.
• This uncertainty is the soil where transformation grows.

I’m walking this shift with you—messy and unsure, but determined to keep showing up. Because if I don’t stand in my truth now, when will I?

If this resonates, take a quiet moment today to ask yourself:

• What parts of my path are shifting?
• Where do I feel scared to step forward?
• How can I hold myself with kindness through this?

Remember, growth isn’t about perfection or rushing to the finish line. It’s about the small, brave steps you take each day—even when they feel shaky.

Jack believed in a church, but the reality is: I am the church. That means I carry the sacred space within me—and so do you. When doubt creeps in, I remind myself that this path, with all its fear and beauty, is exactly where I’m meant to be.

We are all unfolding in our own time. Sometimes the bravest act is simply showing up—one trembling step at a time.