Rev. Colleen Irwin

How to Push Back Without Being Labeled ‘Difficult’

Pushing back doesn’t make you difficult. It makes you clear.  Still, many of us were raised to be agreeable, accommodating, and quiet. So when we assert a boundary or say “no,” we’re suddenly seen as hard to work with. That label—difficult—isn’t really about you. It’s about control.

The Real Meaning Behind “Difficult”

When someone calls you difficult, ask yourself: difficult for whom?

Often, it means you’ve interrupted a pattern. You’re no longer easy to manipulate. You’re no longer willing to carry the emotional labor. You’ve stopped smoothing things over for others’ comfort.

That isn’t rudeness. It’s growth.

You Can Be Firm and Still Be Kind

There’s a myth that boundaries have to come with sharp edges. That’s not true.

You can push back calmly and clearly. Say “I’m not okay with that” without yelling. You can disagree and still be respectful. And sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is to tell the truth—even when it’s uncomfortable.

You Don’t Owe Anyone Your Silence

Letting things slide may keep the peace in the short term, but over time, it creates resentment. Speaking up helps you stay in alignment with yourself. It honors your voice and your values.

That’s not being difficult. That’s being authentic.

When They Don’t Like the Change

The first time you push back, it might rattle people. They may call you moody, emotional, or uncooperative. That says more about them than it does about you.

Remember: people who benefit from your silence will always struggle when you start using your voice.

Journal Prompts to Explore

• Where have I held back to avoid being seen as “difficult”?
• What’s one area of my life where I want to speak up more?
• How do I feel when I express a boundary or a differing opinion?
• Who models healthy communication and boundaries in a way I admire?

You’re Not Here to Be Palatable

You’re here to be real. And sometimes real means drawing a line, voicing a need, or saying “no thank you.”

People may call that difficult. Let them. You’ll be too grounded to care.