I am giving myself a break. Yesterday I put my Health Club membership on hold. I am accepting that my recovery from the first two surgeries is not going as well as I wanted to. The thing that most people don’t talk about is the cumulative effect of multiple surgeries. Let’s face it — two surgeries this year is taking its toll. I have a third surgery coming up in November.
Every day for weeks now I would beat myself up about not getting to the gym and being a slug. I had two different allergic reactions to medications and it has taken a toll on my body. Luckily my surgery site healed well and quickly. I was doing great for awhile and thought I could press on. The problem was my body needs more rest. I feel less than, I am doing this without Cancer. I can’t begin to think how difficult the struggle for women with Cancer.
This is not something that I am easily accepting. I am a triple Capricorn and patience is not one of my virtues. The big lesson here has been to give myself the time to heal and rest. Not everyone springs back from a hysterectomy in a week’s time, in my case it took six weeks. I beat myself up for it on several occasions, only resulting in my own misery.
The double mastectomy had it’s own set of complications, nothing from that but from a yeast infection that I could not kick and allergic reactions to medication that took me down. It is something I am prone to and now two medications have been added to my allergy list. Two weeks with constant hives has been painful. Eight weeks out and I am exhausted and feeling defeated.
In two weeks I will have reconstruction surgery and I feel unprepared. I have the clear to have surgery so I am going to rest as much as I can before that and not beat myself up because there were compilations. We hired someone to clean the house because I just physically can’t keep up with everything. I am cooking and filling our freezer full of meals during recovery. We have made a plan for Thanksgiving dinner via takeout and we have taken the pressure of Christmas off of our shoulders. Each day we will take them as they come and have grace as things go wrong. The time for beating myself up is over. It is time to move forward…