Rev. Colleen Irwin

Don’t Put Your Mentor on a Pedestal

Don’t put your mentor on a pedestal?  You may thing this is a strange topic, but I feel drawn to talking about this right now.  It’s easy to glorify a mentor. When someone helps shape your path, guides you through uncertain terrain, or opens a door you thought was closed, it’s only natural to want to lift them up. We feel grateful. Inspired. Sometimes even indebted.

That kind of connection can feel almost magical—especially when you’re just beginning. A good mentor sees something in you before you can fully see it in yourself. They speak a truth you didn’t know you needed to hear. They shine a light where you were stumbling in the dark.

And in those moments, it’s tempting to believe they have all the answers.

But here’s the thing—we can’t afford to put them on a pedestal.

Mentorship Imbalance

Because when we place someone too high above us, we risk shrinking ourselves. We stop asking questions. We filter our intuition through someone else’s approval. We start confusing authority with wisdom, and reverence with surrender. That’s not mentorship. That’s imbalance.

At some point, you have to stand in your own truth—even if that means you and your mentor don’t see eye to eye. A true mentor won’t punish your independence. They’ll welcome it. They’ll challenge you, not to shape you in their image, but to help you sharpen your own. They’ll encourage your growth, even when it means growing in a different direction.

Because great mentors don’t create followers—they cultivate leaders.

Jack Rudy used to say, “When you have a hand extended for help, you better reach down and help someone else.” That’s the kind of wisdom I carry with me. Mentorship isn’t just about receiving—it’s about passing it forward. And if you’re really lucky, you get to watch the people you’ve helped climb higher on the ladder than you did, all while they’re helping others.

This cycle of giving and growing is the heart of transformational mentorship. It’s not about perfection or pedestal-building. It’s about presence, honesty, and the courage to walk your own path—sometimes beside your mentor, sometimes ahead of them.

So, when you think about your mentors, honor them—but don’t idolize them. Appreciate their guidance, yes, but also trust your own inner compass. That’s where true growth lives.

Working Through Difficult Relationships

If you find yourself struggling in your mentor relationship, take a moment to reflect. Journaling can help you untangle your feelings and find clarity. Here are some prompts to guide you:

• What feelings come up when I think about my mentor right now?
• Are there specific moments when I felt misunderstood or unsupported? What happened?
• How can I express my own truth while still respecting the guidance I’ve received?
• What lessons have I learned from this challenge in my mentor relationship?
• How might this struggle be an opportunity for growth—for me and for my mentor?
• What boundaries do I need to set to protect my energy and clarity?
• In what ways can I seek support from others while navigating this?

Remember, growth is rarely a straight path. Sometimes the toughest conversations and challenges hold the deepest lessons.