Rev. Colleen Irwin

The Sacred Role of a “No” Person in Spiritual Growth

Inspired by a post from Chris Brogan

Not long ago, I read a piece on Linkedin by Chris Brogan titled “The Importance of a ‘No’ Man.” It stayed with me for days. In it, he talks about how encouragement—though well-meaning—can sometimes steer us away from clarity. As someone who has built a life and a business on trust, intuition, and truth, I immediately saw the spiritual relevance.

I’m grateful to Chris—not only for this recent reminder, but also because years ago, he introduced me to the practice of choosing three guiding words each year. Mine for 2025 are Align, Community, and Hope. And wouldn’t you know it—his “No Man” concept touches all three.

What is a “No” Person?

The “No” person isn’t someone who shoots down every idea. They’re not a contrarian for the sake of it. They’re the person who pauses before answering. Who asks questions that stop us mid-sentence. Who says, “Wait. Let’s take a deeper look.”

In spiritual work, especially as a teacher and guide, these people are essential. They help us align with truth instead of ego. They remind us that community is stronger when built on honesty, not just harmony. And they help us hold onto hope—not false positivity, but the deep, grounded hope that comes from being real with ourselves.

Why We Need Them

Encouragement is lovely. We all need a cheering section sometimes. But if you’re doing sacred work—or building something that matters—you also need people who won’t let you drift off course just because something feels good.

The “No” person says,

• “Are you sure this still reflects your purpose?”
• “Do you really want to take this path, or is it just easier?”
• “Is this aligned with what Spirit is showing you?”

They help us course-correct when we’ve strayed from our deeper wisdom.

How to Be an Effective “No” Person (Without Being a Downer)

If you’re called to be that sacred mirror for someone else, here are a few guiding principles:

• Lead with care, not control. Ask questions before offering opinions. Make space for someone to hear their own truth.
• Listen deeply. A true “No” person listens with more curiosity than judgment.
• Honor their path. It’s not your job to steer—it’s your role to hold up a lantern and ask, “Is this still your direction?”
• Own your bias. Be honest about where you’re coming from. This builds trust.
• Say yes when it’s time. A good “No” person knows when to stand back and celebrate someone’s alignment.

You don’t need to be blunt to be brave. You just need to be rooted in love and truth.

Journaling Prompts

Take a few moments to reflect in your journal:

• When have I offered a “no” from a place of love and clarity?
  What helped me speak truthfully without judgment? Would I do anything differently next time?
• How do I usually respond when someone tells me “no”?
  Do I get defensive, shut down, or take it as a cue to realign? What might Spirit be showing me in those moments?