Dealing with Judgement

I struggle with judgement.  It happens all the time.  It happens everywhere around us. I am guilty of it as well.  I struggle with being better.  Out there failing at times, but I am out there trying.  I will admit there are a few people out there that get on my last nerve.  My judgement of them is not always warranted.   I still try and be positive.  Look to find a way even though I have been deeply hurt by many of them.   I still try and do better; I know I am better than that.

Real Life Situation of the Struggle

I just was told that the t-shirt (a comfortable, clean and fresh) didn’t look good on me.   It (OMG!!!) shows that I may have a few extra pounds on my body.  They felt that if I put on an oversized shirt to hide this fact — that I would look better.  This came from my mother.   My mother put her negative self talk and tried to apply it to me.

Yes, it isn’t the most flattering but I am going to a picnic in the hot sun.   It is white, it is clean and it is cotton which will be comfortable and when I am comfortable I am happy.   Had I put on the polyester shirt that she suggested ,I would have been uncomfortable and it being two sizes too big would make me feel more overweight than I really am.

I sat here and struggled over this exchange.   This person is important to me, and what she says has a way to cut through me and hurt me.   She did not like that I reacted negatively to her suggestion.   I am just tired of the constant picking at who I am and what I look like.   Comments like “when you lose another 20 pounds you will look great” this after successfully losing 70 pounds can crush you from those that are the closest to you.

Personal Pain Shared is Lessened

Why share this?  Well it was an important reminder to me.  The more I evolve, the more I think about things.   In her mind I could look better and she was afraid that others would judge me by my appearance.   What she does not understand is that I do not need hers or anyone else’s approval with my life, my appearance or anything for that matter.

I think about judgement in the Spiritual Community.   There is back biting and jealousy all over the place.   This one doesn’t like that one and this group thinks that they are superior because they are in a certain clique.   I know I signed up for this but the human experience is frustrating.   It makes for an uncomfortable time every once in awhile.

I watch certain people; including myself, be pushed out of the “popular group” for one reason or another.  Many times it is jealousy, other times I realize that it has everything to do with the fact that I am comfortable in my own skin and that gives me power.   They see it and they don’t like it and they feel the need to take it away.   So I started talking to those on the fringes. Guess what, they are not the horrible people that others make them out to be.   They too have taken their own power and they own it.  Insecure people hate being around people like us.

Stop the Judgement

So the next time you feel the need to judge someone before you do that, why don’t you take a chance and get to know them.   You may find that you have something in common.  You may still not like them, but you can at least offer them respect.  Respect that all humans should give one another.  The next time you feel the need to judge someone stop for a moment and think about what you are going to say.  Sometimes keeping your mouth shut is the best thing you can do.  Instead of all this hate that seems to be more acceptable.